I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
