Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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