no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
is it fun? or sober?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
