I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
