Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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