I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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