Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
