think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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