my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
