Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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