oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
