in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I love you. Go after that dick
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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