Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
