Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
