I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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