i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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