Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
