You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize