um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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