You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We need to rekindle our bromance
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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