Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(802): View more from Vermont

good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...

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(819): View more from Quebec

Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?

(604): View more from British Columbia

Each and every day.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.

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(517): View more from Michigan

I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...

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(630): View more from Illinois

you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka

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(917): View more from New York City

How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?

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(785): View more from Kansas

They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea

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(727): View more from Florida

Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees

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(419): View more from Ohio

At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd

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