I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize