I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
