They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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