Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
