The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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