You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
