i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize