You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
