my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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