there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
