just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
