She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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