dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
