She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
