Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
