Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
