please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's never too late to be topless.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
