When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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