Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
