There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize