i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
