i love accidental penises.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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