Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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