you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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