i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
