She said her name was "party"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
