I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
