I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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