I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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