Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
