Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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