I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
