goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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