Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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