I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
