we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
