I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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