Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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