Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize