Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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