No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
