your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
