hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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