The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
