Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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