Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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