are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize