Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
