I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
