I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
