My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Shame is for Republicans.
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