Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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