My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
