I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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