I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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