I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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