Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
